You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
