my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
