But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
