my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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