dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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