my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
