You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
My ATM looks so different sober.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
you never un-have a 4some
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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