you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
