I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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