big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
