angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
