quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
