If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
