Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
