We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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