70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
