I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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