it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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