Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
