Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
