she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Randomize
