well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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