After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
