I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
