girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
