you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just invented taco cereal.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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