I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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