I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
