I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
