WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
