You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
