I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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