Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
