woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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