he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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