that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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