My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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