ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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