used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
