Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
