Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
