Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
