Joe is yelling at the trees again.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
