yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
