We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
