Pappa wants mamma naked
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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