I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
