At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
