We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
