this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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