never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
