Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
