Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I currently don't understand fingers.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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